If You Love Me: A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Opioid Addiction
by
Maureen Cavanagh’s gripping memoir If You Love Me
is the story of a mother who suddenly finds herself on the frontlines
of the opioid epidemic as her daughter battles—and ultimately reckons
with—substance use disorder.
Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis—first as a parent, then as an advocate—is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock. But, slowly, the drug use explains everything—Katie’s constant exhaustion, erratic moods, and all those spoons that have gone missing from the house. Once Mike and Maureen get Katie into detox, Maureen goes to sleep that night hoping that in 48 hours she’ll have her daughter back. It’s not that simple.
Like the millions of parents and relatives all over the country—some of whom she has helped through her nonprofit organization—Maureen learns that recovery is neither straightforward nor brief. She fights to save Katie’s life, breaking down doors on the seedy side of town with Mike, kidnapping Katie outside a convenience store, and battling the taboo around substance use disorder in her picturesque New England town. Maureen is launched into the shadowy world of overcrowded, for-profit rehabilitation centers that often prey on worried parents. As Katie runs away from one program after another, never outrunning her pain, Maureen realizes that even while she becomes an expert on getting countless men and women into detox and treatment centers, she remains powerless to save her own daughter. Maureen's unforgettable story brings the opioid crisis out of the shadows and into the house next door.
Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis—first as a parent, then as an advocate—is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock. But, slowly, the drug use explains everything—Katie’s constant exhaustion, erratic moods, and all those spoons that have gone missing from the house. Once Mike and Maureen get Katie into detox, Maureen goes to sleep that night hoping that in 48 hours she’ll have her daughter back. It’s not that simple.
Like the millions of parents and relatives all over the country—some of whom she has helped through her nonprofit organization—Maureen learns that recovery is neither straightforward nor brief. She fights to save Katie’s life, breaking down doors on the seedy side of town with Mike, kidnapping Katie outside a convenience store, and battling the taboo around substance use disorder in her picturesque New England town. Maureen is launched into the shadowy world of overcrowded, for-profit rehabilitation centers that often prey on worried parents. As Katie runs away from one program after another, never outrunning her pain, Maureen realizes that even while she becomes an expert on getting countless men and women into detox and treatment centers, she remains powerless to save her own daughter. Maureen's unforgettable story brings the opioid crisis out of the shadows and into the house next door.
My Review: 11/10
This book is certainly gripping. It sucks you in right away and refuses to let go. It had me sobbing repeatedly. While that may not sound like a recommendation, it is. It affected me deeply and it is so important to get this information out there.
I could do without most of the language, especially as it makes it harder for me to recommend to some people. But it really should be required reading, especially in school, arming kids with knowledge and putting them on their guard to what drugs and addiction really are.
Addiction runs in my family, generation after generation. So much of this was like reading clips of my own life, and yet there were still things I didn't know.
I've always hated hearing that addiction is a disease, because regardless of what happened afterward, you made those poor choices initially, with no regard for yourself or anyone who loves you, and saying it's a disease seems to take the responsibility off of you and makes you a victim. That frustrated me. Despite that, I never felt like ignorance or a bad decision for whatever reason deserved a life sentence of misery and suffering and bondage.
But Ms. Cavanagh educated me on the biology behind addiction: "'... drugs cause unnaturally high spikes in dopamine (a chemical that's released when a person does something that their brain judges to be beneficial, and the release makes them feel good),' she explains, 'which causes the brain to adjust to produce less dopamine, and drug users eventually continue their use just to feel normal again , because their baseline level of dopamine has become very low.'" This shook me.
She goes on to talk about addiction being a game of "Russian Roulette: Genetics Edition" and how she got the empty chamber. Me too. I have never been so humbled and so grateful. And also so terrified for my kids, knowing the genetics that have been passed on to them. At least I'm informed and can try to be proactive.
She talks about how often it starts with unsuspecting kids with sports injuries getting prescriptions for pain meds. I was horrified. I can't tell you how many of these stories had me in tears, but the one that left the deepest wound on my soul was reading about a person addicted to drugs being acutely aware of just how much the were taking and how close to the edge they were. I always thought of overdoses as ignorance- one time too many, overestimating what their body could handle, or just being so out of their minds that they had no idea what they were doing. It never occurred to me that it was suicide. That it was misery and they desperately wanted escape and could find no other way. My heart is permanently broken.
This book is SO important. To end the stigma, to spread awareness, resources, compassion, and hope. Read this book and recommend it to every you know. I know I will.
