I'm going to skip the updates and apologies for the moment and continue on like no time at all has passed.
One of my goals (aka new years resolutions, which I am very big on) is to read 25 new books this year. I love to read, and I love a good story, but the problem is that I rarely stumble on a story that I like, let alone love. Unfortunately the trendy thing is a tragedy. It seems writers feel this is more realistic and therefore a better piece of writing. I like to read because I want to experience something better than reality. I want to read something that shows good triumphing evil, what goes around comes around, and strengthens my trust in hope. I don't want to be doused in a cold bucket of injustice, irony and a clever piece that is so convincingly human, it could pass for the tragedy of something I've experienced. I read to live briefly in a world I can trust, to escape the one I cannot. Sometimes I read to gain a new perspective or experience something I wouldn't otherwise, but it's gotta end with a happy story. It has to keep my hope in humanity alive. I see too much in day to day life that makes me cynical. I want fiction to leave me inspired and fortified. I think, judging by my rant, that too often for my liking, me and contemporary fiction do not see eye to eye.
My point in sharing all of this is that, as a result, I usually spend my time rereading the same set of novels: pride and prejudice, ella enchanted, twilight series, harry potter series, etc. Books I know are going to make me smile at the end of the day.
Therefore my goal may seem small, but knowing that I will continue in this pattern, especially as I am disappointed in reading, 25 new books is a large undertaking for me.
I've finished my first book.
This was a gift from Jon for Christmas. I've been doing Beth Moore's bible studies for the last year and a half and I LOVE them. Love em. Anyway, the more I do them, the more I wish I knew her personally. Jon knew I was interested in reading her books as well so he got this one for me.
It was a little slow moving for me, at first, but I really did love it. I am probably going to be buying this for gifts for friends and family for a while. I don't think I struggle with insecurity a lot, and as it turns out, my biggest insecurity is not the typical one. Honestly, my biggest insecurity is feeling unloved/not valued/unwanted in family. Core family, extended family, step family, in-laws, you name it. I want more than anything to solidly belong, and it's a fear of mine that I don't.
Thanks to Beth's book, I am now facing the fact that wishing things were different, wishing I had more affirmation, wishing people would change is passive and is not going to solve anything. I cannot hang my security on the approval and love of flawed human beings. My security comes from Christ alone. I can't just cry to Jon and feel sorry for myself when I feel rejected. I need to stop letting perceived familial slights shake my foundation. I can still feel hurt, but I can't let that feeling or person claim my security. I guess I should be thankful that I got a particularly strong dose of it less than 24 hours after finishing the book. Afterall, how else would I recognize the situation and feelings for what they were? I remembered the instructions because they were fresh in my mind and now I have a chance at healing and restoration. Praise to God.
I think I can count this first book as a success.